Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
home. puking in laundry basket.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
