i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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