then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
