Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
