Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
