Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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