I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
