found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
