More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
