dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
