It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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