she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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