Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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