I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
