Who wears a wallet chain?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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