i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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