So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
