she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
