So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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