I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize