my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
