She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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