Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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