i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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