i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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