It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
