Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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