My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
4 words: hood of his car
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
