who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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