I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
