I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
