You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
