For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
