it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
