You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize