i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
