I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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