if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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