My balls are so social today.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
