i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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