Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
