i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
