I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did i walk over a car last night?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
