I heard we made out
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
