Where is the hickey?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
