The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He passed out mid-signature
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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