the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
