You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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