I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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