For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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