is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My cat gives me a boner
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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