he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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