I will die if light touches me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
