All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
