evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
