guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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