Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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