and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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