i think i scared a bird with my dick
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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