eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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