I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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