I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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