New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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