is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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