We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She bit a glass in half.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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