I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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