just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
