Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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