So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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