Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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