Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
