Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
