Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
