I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
