Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she peed on how many people?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
