I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
