the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
