he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
