She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
