party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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