the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
