dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
