ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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